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George Phillips, age 82 of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light and saw there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked, 'Is someone in your house?' He said, 'No.' Then they said, 'All the patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.' George said, 'Okay'. He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. 'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' and he hung up the phone.
Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George, 'I thought you said you shot them!'
George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'

An elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and bring back some of the fruit. He grabbed his five-gallon bucket and headed out. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they scrambled to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm just here to feed the alligator.'

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